he loves me.. he loves me not.. he loves me?

My house is racked with insecurity. A quivering puddle of anxiety and fear. Or wait, is that me?

What if the process for getting married went something like this: someone sees you across the room and decides he really likes the way you look. He comes over, walks around you a few times looking you over. He seems to really like what he sees. A lot in fact. He tells you he wants to marry you. He proposes. You are thrilled. You say YES. Voila, you are rapturously committed. But wait, it turns out there's more to this process. He informs you that he wants to make sure he knows you before really committing to forever and ever amen. He tells you, I'm going to be evaluating you for awhile. During that time I'm going to scrutinize your life like its never been scrutinized before. And, so sorry, I'm not really going to tell you what I think along the way. You have to wait. Now don't worry but I'm going to throw a lot of questions at you along the way, like "have you always laughed like that?" and "ohh so you voted for Jimmy Carter?" and "hm, you sure seem really close to your family." But you shouldn't worry. Remember you LOOKED really good and that's why I wanted to marry you. Relax. Oh no, you're getting insecure. Eek. Are you insecure often?

That right there people is the backward process for buying a house. Find it. Like it. Agree to marry it. And then get to know it. Let me just say, I'm not handling this whole inspection phase well at all.

And my poor cute house is in tears all day long. Not nice, mystery buyer, NOT NICE at all.